How I Did It
Hello, God here. Most of you don't know me. I'm that omnipotent entity to whom many of you attribute the creation of the Universe. There have been a lot of misconceptions regarding me and my work and I'm here today to set the record straight once and for all. You may not like what I'm about to tell you. Many of you won't understand it, but that's not important. All that matters is that this is the way it is and - like it or not - the way it always was and always will be.
It's not easy being omnipotent, you know. It makes me personally responsible for everything that happens and sometimes you humans just don't seem to understand what I do or why I do it. But I must congratulate you as a species for the knowledge and awareness you've mustered in such a short time - why, it seems it was only yesterday that I was musing over the slimy pond scum you all emerged from. Since now you're mature enough to handle it, I thought it was about time I explained to you some basic ‘facts of being'. And since the Universe is such a vast and diverse subject, I guess I'd better begin by telling you just how I designed it and what it's supposed to do.
Actually I developed the Universe from a very simple basic concept. I wanted something durable but easy to work with, something that didn't require a lot of upkeep or attention. At the same time, I wanted something fun, colorful and varied in nature, something dynamic and something interesting to keep me entertained. It soon occurred to me that the first thing I'd need was some place to put it, so I decided to arrange everything in such a way that for every up there was a down, every to had a fro and every left had a corresponding right. I decided to call these directions DIMENSIONS and I had to be sure that all of them were cut exactly the same length with each dimension offset by an opposite equivalent or I'd be stuck with a lopsided cosmos and things would really be dicey around the edges. Can you imagine having fronts with no backs, tops with no bottoms, or only being able to move in one direction? Reciprocal symmetry was the obvious choice, a real no-brainer.
But my most difficult decision was, of course, how big to make it. I hadn't yet figured out what I was going to fill it with and I didn't have a clue what I was going to do with it. Actually I was so undecided that I left it undefined and limitless - which later on turned out to be a really good idea. In fact leaving it undefined made everywhere the center of the cosmos. Don't laugh. Just think about it. From any point in space you can draw lines to infinity through all the polar coordinates to make a sphere which encompasses the Universe. Since those lines are all equidistant to infinity, that point would be the center of the sphere - and the center of the Universe. You can do that everywhere, so each point in the Universe is its center. Does this surprise you? Don't try to understand it. Logic requires definition and I left infinity undefined on purpose.
Anyway, I finished the first step and now there were an infinite number of positive directions and just as many negative ones and the whole thing still equaled nothing. I hadn't really created anything; I just rearranged nothing in a somewhat more orderly fashion so that the distance from every point ‘A' to point ‘B' was exactly the same as from ‘B' to ‘A'. I thought this really might come in handy later on.
There still wasn't much to work with at this point; in fact all I had on hand was nothing – but now there was an infinite supply of it. Before I made DIMENSIONS, nothing was nowhere and there wasn't any need to account for it. Now I had an infinity of it to contend with and if you think there was only one nothing in my new Universe then you'd better think again. Nothing doesn't require creation and it's just as easy to have billions and trillions of them as just one. It was obvious that they'd always been around just itching for somewhere to go. And now they had a lot of places to hang out.
"Jesus," I exclaimed (and I'll delve into that in another writing) "this is unbelievable. Just how many instances of nothing can there be?"
Of course back then we didn't have numbers like you do today. When nothing existed nowhere, the only figure that came to mind was "Ø", but now that there was somewhere, I had some serious counting to do. I chose to call the concept of counting QUANTITY and I decided to call each instance of nothing "one" when considered alone, but when a pair of them was considered together; I thought it would be nice to call them "two". Of course numbers are a lot like potato chips, once you start, well - you know - so when a pair and a singleton were considered together, I called them "three" - and so on. Now remember, there was an infinity of them to contend with, so it took me quite some time to create numbers for them all. And then, of course, I had to have a negative number for every positive one so that the entire set of numbers added together still equaled nothing. When I finally got through, there was no way you could count the entire set. Of course I could because I'm omnipotent. And I tried to once - just for grins. I must have counted for what seemed to be eternity before I got distracted and lost my place. That's where I got the concept of Hell from . . . but I digress.
With two new tools to work with I was getting really excited about ‘Project Universe'. Eagerly, I picked up a piece of nothing and turned it over and over wondering just what I could do with it. It didn't look like much – in fact, it didn't look like anything at all. And it was hard to see it in the dark. There was this black pinpoint of nothing just sitting there - doing nothing. Being infinite, it's really difficult for me to manipulate something so small so I got out the tweezers and my microscope for a closer inspection. Anyway, the most amazing thing happened as I focused in on it. I suddenly realized that I could rearrange the color black into three opposing subcolors - red, blue and yellow. Yes, just imagine - the opposite of red was blue and yellow (which made green), the opposite of blue was red and yellow (orange) and the opposite of yellow was red and blue (magenta). It was awesome. Instead of a simple bivalent pair of opposing positives and negatives like my numbers, this was a trivalent system - three opposing colors which added together to cancel each other out. I decided to call it QUALITY.
Again, this was more of a discovery than a creation, but now I had three tools to work with: QUALITY, QUANTITY and DIMENSION. I was ecstatic. It was Sunday, so I decided to rest and take stock of what I'd accomplished so far. I now had an infinite number of opposing directions, an infinite number of positive and negative numbers and, of course, a trivalent quality made up of opposing colors. Something seemed out of balance and I just hate it when that happens. I figured I'd better get back to work and crank out some more qualities - an infinite number of them would be appropriate. I already had bivalence and trivalence so maybe I'd take it up a notch - or ten - or more.
I still had an infinity of nothing to work with and like a painter with a blank canvas I stared at it until suddenly a stroke of genius came over me. I would craft each instance of nothing into a unique entity - never duplicating the exact same qualities from one to another. Some might have similarities to others, but overall I'd convert them all into a spectrum of existences. Each entity would have its own individual traits - using nothing as a common starting point. First I brewed up an experimental bunch of really tiny ones. It took forever and I think you call them "space" today. They weren't much to look at - in fact they were transparent and they had only a few rather subtle qualities which you mortals have yet to detect. I thought about making a larger variety and I even toyed with the idea of making some of them infinite in size - but then I reconsidered because it would take up too much room. By limiting the size of my entities I could craft a lot more of them so I decided to make them all finite.
After I got finished making space, I realized that to individually craft each instance of nothing into a separate entity would take eternity and I was becoming very impatient. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "Instead of making these things one at a time, why don't I just change the nature of existence from a process into a principle - a natural law - and get it done all at once?"
If I do say so myself, it was a brilliant idea. I'd just set up some basic guidelines and let the chips fall where they may. Each entity would have to be balanced so that its properties remained equivalent to zero. Each one would be finite in size and there would be no exact duplicates. Seemed pretty simple. Too simple in fact. It was too static. It needed more pizzazz.
Static was out, change was in. I decided everything would have to constantly change and rearrange itself. I maade the differences in the qualities of my entities so dynamic that every time one met another the encounter would alter its condition and, in return, equally change its companion. While I was at it, I decided to have every entity react internally to itself as well. Even without external stimulus, each entity would be in a constant state of change. And all of it would be governed by my law of reciprocal balance.
I almost sprained my arm patting myself on the back, for this was truly divine inspiration. It was perfect. And it almost came to pass - except for the fact that my principle had one huge flaw, and when I tried it out nothing happened. I just hate it when nothing happens - and at that point it was happening all the time.
Wait a minute. TIME. Of course. That was it. I may be omnipotent, but even I can't break my own laws. I had tried to design time so that it went in just one direction. Now everyone knows that every facet of reality must have an opposite. I couldn't have a future without a past - how foolish of me. I gave considerable thought as to how long I should let the Universe exist. I mean I had put so much work into this project that to let it languish after just a few minutes seemed wasteful. And since I'd designed existence to be a principle instead of a process, I wouldn't have to really do anything to keep it going. I'd already made the Universe limitless and undefined, so I decided to allow time to be infinite, too - eternal in both directions.
Patting my back with the other hand I muttered, "Am I great, or what?"
Once I made the change, the whole thing came to life before my very eyes - it was really impressive. Suddenly there were light, motion and an infinity of gigantic cosmic explosions as the attractive forces of gravity cycled into repulsive forces of critical mass. And speaking of life, I really have to apologize for the mischief I've caused you mortals. I mean every entity is immersed in something space-like or something material in nature. But in my experimentations, I decided to give you 'living beings' consciousness only when you were immersed in just the right kind of material - the elements of the environment you inhabit. I made you ‘wear the mud' and ‘share the mud' with others of your ilk before you could develop the power of thought. And then, to top it all off, your composition was more ethereal than material in nature - totally transparent just like space - so that even if you could strip away the mud, you wouldn't be able to see yourselves. I know this has caused you a lot of confusion and understandably so, but it wasn't my fault. All forms of reciprocal symmetry - every permutation which there can possibly be - must exist. You mortals are, indeed, a strange and complex manifestation, but that's just the luck of the draw.
Well now you know. I didn't really create the Universe as much as I just rearranged and shaped it. Nothing still exists - just not all at the same place at the same time. Even I - the omnipotent entity - am an instance of reciprocal balance. You see, all of you are single instances of nothing where I am the Universe, itself - the infinity of nothing. I mean doesn't it seem reasonable that to be omnipotent - to have all power - you have to BE all of the power which exists. You seem to think I am something separate and apart from you, some mystical thing which is out there somewhere. You believe I look like you and think like you. You claim to know me and you think I get angry when you break my rules. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not ‘out there'. I am everywhere you look and, in reality, you are just an infinitesimal part of ME. I don't look like you, I look like everything, and you can only know the portion of me which is your own singular existence. I can't get angry when you break my rules. My laws are the laws of nature - and they can't be broken. Those other guidelines you set up are strictly your own. I am neither kind nor cruel. If a baby steps off a cliff, I'll kill it just as quickly as I will comfort another child with the warmth of his mother's love. While I demand your respect, I have no use for your praise or your worship. I don't care what your beliefs may be - the truth will still be true even if it's never acknowledged.
I reward those who understand me. I show no mercy to those who do not.
There. You've been told. Go in peace - for now.